The Power of Vulnerability: What High Performers Know That Average Teams Resist
In The Employee Engagement Lie, I argued that leaders must stop chasing engagement and instead do the things that actually build it. One of those things is to create a culture of discipline and trust.
Most leaders hear that and think, “Great, let’s keep morale high and make people feel safe.” But safety without discipline is coddling, and discipline without trust is tyranny. Real trust is built on something scarier and harder: vulnerability.
Vulnerability Is the Foundation of Discipline and Trust
The average team avoids vulnerability. People nod in meetings, hold back questions, and hide mistakes because they don’t want to look weak. It feels safer in the moment, but it kills trust.
High-performing teams do the opposite. They critique themselves in front of each other, ask the uncomfortable questions, and admit when they don’t know. Watch an elite sports team review game tape, they’re brutally honest about missed plays, bad decisions, and blown opportunities. That’s how they get better. Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s the price of the ticket for growth.
Why Most Teams Resist It
Being vulnerable means admitting you don’t have it all figured out. That feels risky. Average teams cling to the illusion of competence because it’s safer than exposing flaws. But that illusion is the enemy of discipline and trust.
“Discipline (noun): training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character.” — Merriam-Webster
Discipline requires vulnerability. You can’t fix what people won’t admit is broken.
Trust requires honesty. You can’t trust someone who’s hiding.
When people resist vulnerability, they’re not avoiding discomfort; they’re avoiding accountability.
How Leaders Create It
You can’t demand vulnerability. You have to model it.
Admit when you don’t know.
Share the mistakes you’ve made and what you learned from them.
Ask the hard questions no one else wants to ask.
Call out when you’re unclear, and invite your team to do the same.
Every time you show vulnerability, you lower the barrier for your team to do the same. Over time, that creates a culture where honesty is the norm and hiding is the outlier.
Discipline and Trust Follow Vulnerability
Once people see it’s safe to be real, the real work begins. Now you can:
Celebrate discipline and do the real work, because the problems are visible.
Build trust, because people know the truth is on the table and demonstrate the willingness to be uncomfortable and do the hard work.
Drive performance, because the team isn’t wasting energy pretending.
Vulnerability isn’t “soft.” It’s the hardest thing most teams will ever do. But it’s also the thing that unlocks discipline, trust, and high performance.
Why This Matters
If you want a high-performing team, stop tolerating the surface-level safety of silence. Push for the deeper safety of truth. Vulnerability is the bridge between comfort and growth, between good teams and great ones.
If your team resists it, that’s the sign they need it most.
Your Next Move: In your next meeting, go first. Admit a mistake, ask the uncomfortable question, or point out the thing no one wants to say. Then hold the silence until someone else leans in. That’s how vulnerability starts.
Series note: This is the third of four follow-up articles to The Employee Engagement Lie, each one breaking down the practical steps for what to do instead of chasing engagement. If you haven’t read it yet, start there, then use this article to start building the culture of discipline and trust your team needs to win.
Shift Questions:
Think of a time when you stayed silent in a meeting instead of admitting you didn’t understand. What impact did that choice have on the outcome or the trust of the team?
When was the last time you avoided giving or receiving hard feedback because it felt uncomfortable? How did that avoidance affect discipline and performance?
Describe a moment when you were vulnerable with your team, admitted a mistake, asked for help, or showed uncertainty. How did your team respond, and what did it do for trust?